Pasteles & Tamales

I’m a biracial woman. Raised in a household by my Puerto Rican mom and my Black dad. My Thanksgiving table has Fried turkey, Macaroni and cheese, pernil, pasteles and arroz con gandules. I grew up in the largest melting pot in the world: NYC. I was exposed to so many different people and so many different cultures I wasn’t even sure what my specific cultural traits were at times. So naturally, one would assume racial differences weren’t really a concern for me right? WRONG. In walks my Mexican boyfriend and I was surprised to see how open-minded myself and so many other people were NOT.

I guess I should start at the beginning and make sure you all know and understand that I love Juan Carlos with every fiber of my being. When we met I didn’t even bother to really ask what his nationality was. He was Spanish. That was obvious and that was all I really cared about. One day while talking about this guy who gives me butterflies, I sent my best friend a screen shot of his profile picture and she says to me “He’s Mexican?!” and I’m like what? She repeated herself only this time in a statement and kindly points out to me the Mexican flag icon on his profile. Damn. How did I miss that? Well, I know how, I was looking elsewhere- Ha! And now, what did this mean? My understanding of the Mexican culture was Tequila (which I can’t tolerate-that’s a whole other blog post), Cinco de Mayo celebrations, Taco bell and Selena (All Hail THE QUEEN) Soo…what was I gonna do? Nothing left but to address it and I asked him “Are you Mexican?” in my confused and probably judgmental ass voice.

It is quite interesting what people think of when we are introduced to people of different cultures. I mean ask yourself, what would be the first thing that came to mind if your friend told you her new boyfriend was Mexican. Whenever I tell anyone Juan is Mexican the first thing they always say is “He’s Mexican?! He doesn’t even look Mexican!” Often times in defense of him I’m like wait! What is he supposed to look like?! But the truth is that was my initial reaction as well. I was so surprised to find out he was Mexican all while thinking he was the finest Mexican I had ever seen in my life. I really was just focused on finding a physical attribute that indicated he really was Mexican. But, the question remained unanswered- what WAS he supposed to look like? And as educated as I am, am I ignorant enough to believe that everyone has to fit into the societal stereotypes we have created of one another? The simple answer is yes. I WAS this ignorant, because honestly I had no other reference point, and clearly most people in my circle didn’t either.

Initially I thought it would be fun learning a different culture. He has dated plenty of Puerto Ricans in the past and has been exposed to the Puerto Rican culture for most of his life so I was nothing new for him. Well correction, culturally, there weren’t many surprises for him. He was more concerned with what foods I knew how to make and when I was going to cook them for him. But for me, this was a whole new world. In getting to know one another, of course we spoke about different customs and foods, traditions and family styles and again I was intrigued. I didn't see a "down-side" to dating someone who was not Puerto Rican. But this was because it had yet to affect us. Until that long weekend in June...

Juan and I had been dating for six months. It was great, yet I didn’t really know his background. Where did he come from? What was his family like? Who did he have in his world besides me? I had completely immersed him into my life. My friends, my family, my co-workers, classmates, everyone knew of him and yet for him it wasn’t the same. If this was going to work I needed more and I demanded more of him. So, he planned a weekend to go and visit his older brother in Maryland and along for the trip came his sister, her fiancé and his niece and nephew. I pushed for this, and 8months later I still have PTSD and wish it hadn’t happened. Let me say this much first. They are good people. We are just different. So different it hurts, and so different it has affected my relationship more than it ever should have. Maybe that’s my fault (I can’t let things go so easily and he never sees a problem with anything) or maybe it's really just cause and effect. But either way, it was an experience worth writing about.

The weekend was uncomfortable for me in many ways. First, if you read my previous blog you know I don’t do well with change. My ex of ten years is Puerto Rican and his family became my family. I loved them then, I love them still. I admittedly was resistant to accepting “new in-laws.” But I was committed to giving this a try because I love Juan and I wanted to know more about him.

Let's start with the basic differences like language and food. How could there be a language barrier you ask? Well they prefer to communicate in Spanish. English is my first language. Do I understand Spanish? Yes. Do I speak Spanish? Yes. Did I understand what they were saying? Half of the time absolutely not. The dialect, tone, even the pace was completely different from what I was used to. I legitimately felt like I needed a translator. Next was the food. Ya’ll I must have called my mom like 4x to complain about how hungry I was. His sister in law cooked and EVERYTHING was spicy, and what wasn’t spicy just didn’t taste good. Have I eaten Mexican food before? Sure I have, but this wasn't Quesadillas, tacos or Chimichangas. This was REAL traditional not off a menu food and I was like ummm… no thanks. I guess here's another way I'm not as open minded as I could be. Oh well. Anyhow, I tried to try the food because I didn’t want to be rude. My parents raised me better than that. But I just couldn’t do it. So I think I had some bread and called it a day. Eventually we went to the mall and I ran my black ass over the Auntie Annie's and ate a hotdog faster than the speed of light. I knew just as uncomfortable as I was at this point, they were too. They must have been looking at me like this entitled fake ass Spanish American Gringa is too damn stuck up for us. Well, we’re all entitled to our perspectives. If they care to share theirs, they can blog about it too.

But despite those differences which weren’t detrimental, I still did not expect what came next. The evening before we left, we all sat in the backyard in a circle while his brother had a BBQ and engaged in conversation, over some drinks as normal people would. Of course the issues of race, culture, morals and values came up and I have no way to explain what happened other than I was attacked. AT LEAST THAT'S HOW I FELT. Comments like “I can’t date a Puerto Rican woman because of the way YOU PEOPLE are raised” and “Puerto Rican women are raised to ACCEPT and deal with their husband’s cheating on them” were thrown out there. My favorite was “What kind of mother will you be if you choose to work and put your career before your children?” Apparently it is customary that Mexican women stay home while the men support the household. That ain’t my life though. I worked DAMN HARD for these letters behind my name *Sucks teeth, rolls eyes and snaps fingers*

These statements still strongly resonate with me and I can feel my blood boiling all over again. I really felt like I was being Punked and Ashton Kutcher was coming out at any point. Was I really sitting here and allowing people I didn’t know to project their stereotypical beliefs on to me? I was offended. I’m still offended and this has caused so many arguments in my relationship. I couldn’t believe the viewpoints they had, and yes okay, I admitted to my own ignorance earlier, however; I was never blatantly rude, offensive or unwelcoming to anyone. Why did they think this was acceptable behavior? I really felt like I was thrown to wolves. The bigger problem however; was that Juan never interjected to defend me.

Okay, so I have to give credit where credit is due and acknowledge that the next morning he apologized on their behalf. To me. In private. He said “I want you to know I don’t share their beliefs and I’m sorry.” But why couldn’t he do this yesterday in front of everyone? Why didn’t he stop them? I would have never allowed my family to talk to him this way. But I just couldn’t accept this as enough. I couldn’t let it go. Over the next several months I heard frequently “we weren’t raised like you...” “we have cultural differences…” from him and his family and I started to really feel like this was going to be the reason why my relationship wouldn’t last. I even said quite a few times how hard it was for me to believe that I was no longer with a Puerto Rican man whenever these "differences" became a problem. Truthfully, in those moments, all I could think about was how much easier a relationship without these "differences" would be.  

I didn’t mean that though, well okay, Yes I did. But I didn’t mean I wanted to go back to that relationship. I was happier here, MUCH happier with him, I just wish these “cultural differences” weren’t so strong and didn’t interfere with our relationship. That one encounter, amongst other smaller situations has left such a sour taste in my mouth and I’m sure in theirs as well. Same way I feel some way I’m sure they did and still do. But the only person truly affected by all of this was Juan. I was constantly getting at him to have him fix it, correct them and defend me, when in all honesty that wasn't his job. Yeah sure, he could have stopped the conversation or at least spoken to them afterwards about how it was just plain rude to speak to someone that way, but nobody was going to change their beliefs because I was offended. Who the hell was I to them? And quite frankly when it comes down to it, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I am who I am and it is what it is.

When I really sit down to dissect all of this, the best analogy I could find was in food. We both LOVE food and for the most part each other’s typical foods. What was the biggest similarity?Puerto Rican’s have Pasteles and Mexicans Tamales. Puerto Ricans and Mexicans both spend hours making traditional foods like these for our families during the holidays. And guess what? If you’ve ever had Pasteles or Tamales you know they are the literally the same thing. Sure the maza may be made with different root vegetables and the meat seasoned with different spices, but they are literally the same shit.  

 With all of this being said, it all comes down to this bottom line: Yes there are cultural differences in our relationship but we have to learn to embrace them and respect them if we really want our relationship to work. How fortunate will our future children be to have the influence of three different cultures? There's beauty in different. We may have been raised differently with different backgrounds, customs, beliefs and practices but we’re just two people in love who want nothing more than to spend our lives together embracing each other’s differences. 

30 Before 30

When deciding to start a blog I struggled with what my first post would be. A friend suggested I write an “About Me” post but I truly did not even know where to start. So many things I wanted to write about and yet nothing would come out. I decided to share my 30 before 30 lessons with you all first. To get a sense of where I’ve been, where I’m at and where I’m going. My 20’s were a cluster fuck. I will probably need therapy for the rest of my life. I had so many moments I wish I could relive, so many I wish I could forget and so many things I wish I could change. I made a lot of mistakes, accomplished so many great things, suffered a lot of trauma and made a significant amount of growth. I can’t believe they are finally coming to an end. I am so excited for my thirties, but eternally grateful for all the lessons I learned including all the people who came in and out of my life and everything in between.

1.       Be Patient – Fun fact about me, I’m a control freak. When I don’t have control I get super anxious. It’s one of the reasons why I am a compulsive planner. I always feel like I have to have everything under control and in line. Well, my 20s repeatedly taught me that I didn’t control much of anything. It taught me to be patient with myself. To take a moment to indulge in moments, to feel what I needed to feel and to know that there’s time to fix things and get them done. As a New Yorker I’m naturally super fast-paced, but slowing down is okay. Be patient with yourself and with those around you. Understand that there is always a way and a solution.

2.       Healthy love exists- I spent 90% of my twenties in unhealthy relationships. Unhealthy relationships with men, with friends and with myself. Now, understand this, I had a very healthy childhood. My parents have been together almost 40 years. Yet, I rapidly fell in to a domestic violence relationship that took me ten years to get out of, I had such a low self-esteem and I could never let go of friends who were no longer positive in my life. The notion of “loyalty” made me stick around in relationships that were abusive because I felt like I couldn’t walk away. At 28, I found an amazing man. He’s my unicorn. He taught me that healthy love exists. Find someone who will call you first, takes interest in your day, pushes you to be your best, spoils you, loves you genuinely, communicates with you, buys you your favorite foods, will cuddle all day with you on a rainy Sunday and never lets a day pass where they don’t tell you how much they love you. Someone who plans with you, includes you in their life and shares responsibilities with you. Make sure they remind you every day that you are beautiful. As for yourself, YOU are your 1^st priority. And friends, well they come and go. Accept it and make new ones.

3.       Work a demanding job where you are underpaid- Y’all are definitely going to think I’m crazy for this, but hear me out. The truth is I’m a Social Worker and so I’m sure most of my career will be underpaid and underappreciated. That’s okay. I didn’t become a SW to be rich. BUT, At 23 I took a city job that was Absolutely. Utterly. Insane. The work load was intense, the stress was high and my check never seems to be enough. Why would I encourage anyone to do this? It taught me so much. I learned time management, coping skills, work ethic, the need to avoid complacency and how to value myself and my craft. I am a damn good Social Worker and I bust my ass, but had I not had that job I probably would not value the need for a better one. I would not have pushed myself to get a Graduate degree, pursued my LMSW and I would have settled. Don’t allow it to make you disgruntled. Accept the challenge and when it is time to move on, DO IT.

4.        Self-Care- I could write an entire book and why self-care is so important and all the excuses we come up with as to why we can’t do it. Truth is I am still struggling with this. I became a mom at 20 years old. I dedicated my entire life to my daughter. I only ever wanted to be a mother so, I loved doing this. I lost myself. I did not have hobbies, I stayed in a bad relationship thinking it benefitted her, I didn’t travel and I didn’t even know what I liked anymore. One day, when I woke up and didn’t have my children I didn’t know what to do with myself. I would literally cry because I had nothing to do without them. I know, this is sad, but it’s my truth. You can’t put someone else’s oxygen mask on until yours is securely fastened. Take the moments to yourself. Have alone time, find a sitter, find a hobby, take a class, make a frozen pizza for dinner, sleep in, go away even if it’s only for a weekend and of course, buy shoes. Don’t ever stop building yourself and finding new ways to release your stress and tension. You’ll appreciate yourself for it.

5.       Personal Identity- Funny how this is strategically placed under self-care. I really had another woman try to demean me because I am a professional, working mother. Could you believe that shit?! So often we get caught up in men, motherhood, family and friends and when we remove those aspects of our lives we don’t have anything that define us. You’re either Mrs. Whatever HIS name is or so and so’s Mom. NOPE. I have my OWN identity apart from the beautiful additions in my life. I’m always debating with my married friends regarding changing their last name. I could never drop my last name. Add to it? Sure. But never completely change it. It’s who I am. I was born an Anderson and will die one. With my career- I LOVE being a Social Worker. It is who I am. I have an innate need to help people. I found a career that allows me to empower people every day. I worked hard for my Master’s Degree, my State License and I work hard at my job. Don’t give this up for anyone. Including your children.

6.       READ- Okay so I’m technically a Millennial (whatever) anywho, with that being said, we are so accustomed to our flow of information coming to us by the distorted media, or from fake articles being shared on social media. Stop this. One of my most devastating moments of my twenties was the invention of E-Readers. Put the tablet down. Pick up a book. Feel and smell the pages. READ. Shit, start a book club, grab some wine, put the kids to sleep, turn the TV off and READ. Be informed. There’s nothing cute about uninformed, uneducated, opinions.

7.       Find friends who support you but disagree with you- This almost seems like an oxymoron. I promise you it is not. Your friends should be supportive of you. Yes they should. They should cheer you on, encourage you but they also need to call you out on your shit. They’re entitled to their own opinions. Even if you don’t agree with their choices. As long as their decisions aren’t toxic. Fuck it. It’s their life and you have your own life and choices to make. But respect your differences. Debate, listen, debate some more and laugh about it. Relationships aren’t true and real if your friends don’t tell you, you’re wrong sometimes.

8.       Cry and make peace- I promise y’all, I cry every day. I also have suffered a lot of trauma and well I’m a Cancer. We’re emotional people. But the truth is, crying is cleansing. It allows you to release. Allow yourself to cry when you need too and then pick yourself up and move on. Don’t be ashamed of your emotions. They are real and you need to feel them in their moments as they are happening.

9.       Live on your own- I moved out of my parent’s house when I was 23-24 years old. I moved in with a boyfriend and 6 weeks later his ass was out. Just didn’t work. Anyway, living alone taught me so much responsibility, financial control, helped me to honor my personal space, allowed me a sense of independence and freedom and showed me just how much I am like my mom. It allowed me to be comfortable in my skin, to make my own decisions and to be as proactive or as lazy as I wanted to be. After leaving your parents’ house, but before living with a spouse live on your own!

10.   Take care of your body- Okay guys, I’m a hypocrite. Just because I learned this doesn’t mean I do it. I’m getting better at it. The truth is I beat my body down. At one point obesity took over my life. Then being too skinny consumed my life, but never was I just healthy. Make it a lifestyle. Exercise regularly, go to the doctor’s, walk, sleep, have a relaxation technique and most importantly LISTEN to your body. You know when something isn’t right.

11.   Make a bucket list- This is pretty straight forward. There are so many things waiting for you. Places to see, memories to make, things to learn. Make a list. Hold yourself accountable and get out and do them. Even if you hate it. Try it!

12.   Grief is deep, complex and lasts forever- This is so personal for me. My 20’s took so much away from me that I will be grieving until the day I die. I lost children. Did y’all read that? I lost my CHILDREN. My daughter Aubrey died at 14 days old, I miscarried at 9 weeks and my oldest daughter (who is not my biological child) was taken away from me because her father is immature and selfish. I lost 3 kids before I was 29 years old all in different ways. The pain of this never goes away. Grief has so many dimensions. It is not linear. It does not have an order. It will devastate you. It will bring you to your knees. It will cripple you. It will empower you, it will motivate you and it will even soothe you. The memories of everything I lost live inside me. Sometimes I am angry at how hard I work and how hard I love for everything to be ripped away from me, other times I am grateful I experienced those moments even if for just a moment. People tell you time heals wounds. That’s bullshit. It only teaches you how to cope. Grief is ongoing and everlasting.

13.   Mental health is REAL- Y’all… people are NUTS. Insane. Bat Shit Crazy. But the truth is, if we all were to be assessed by a mental health professional, we’d all have a diagnosis at some point in our lives. I have experienced Depression, Anxiety, low self-esteem, addiction, PTSD, sleep deprivation, struggled with suicidal ideations and even voluntarily checked myself into a Psychiatric Hospital. I like to call that chapter “Team Crazy.” But no, really… Life is HARD and unfair and sometimes it all seems like too much. Society still has such a large stigma on Mental Illness and good Mental Health Care. For crying aloud, I am a MH Professional and I struggled with meds to help me maintain my equilibrium. Again SELF CARE is crucial. Take a break, unwind, regroup and seek help when you need it.

14.   Self image is important- Okay no. I am not telling you to be a Kardashian. To spend all of your money on plastic surgery and to be obsessed with your appearance. You’re much more beautiful natural and without all the make-up trust me. But this is something I struggle with still. Taking pride in what you look like. If I could be in my boyfriend’s T-shirt and sweats all day every day I would. That ain’t sexy. Wear a pretty dress, learn to walk in heels, have a go-to little black dress, accentuate your curves, get mani/pedi’s, try something different with your hair and make yourself feel as beautiful as you are. When you look good, you feel good. 

15.   Set goals in small increments- I’m overly ambitious. I always feel like I have something to prove. It’s nonsense and it’s why I am always so stressed. I take on much more than I can chew. I feel like I always need to be doing something. It wears me thin. Having goals is a must. But Rome was not built in a day. Set small goals. It takes about 28 days to create a habit. If you focus on one thing at a time, the chances of you being more successful are greater. And refer to #1, be patient with yourself. Pep talk yourself through things and stick to your plan.

16.   Parenthood is a JOB, but the most gratifying job you will ever have- My mom likes to say I came out of the womb wanting to be a mother. I can’t remember that day however; I know I always wanted to have a ton of children. Well, life had other plans for me. The devastating truth is I cannot carry a full term pregnancy and reproductive issues overwhelmed my body since I was 14yrs old. That didn’t stop me though. I became a mom at 20 years old to a child who was not biologically mine and I could have never loved anyone more. I CHOSE to be her mother and I would choose her again 1000x. At 27 I became pregnant with my first biological child and felt like I won the lotto. Despite all my complications I was in love with being pregnant. But LORD is it HARD WORK. Pregnancy was intense, labor is intense, molding and raising another human takes a lot of time, patience and skill. That’s when you realize you don’t know anything about anything. You learn so much from your children, that they practically raise you.  My children are my happiness, my motivation and my entire world. Despite not having them physically with me I will be their mother forever and they will own my heart. Despite the outcome, I would chose them and my journey with them over and over again.

17.   Everyone has a struggle- Nobody’s life is perfect. NOT A SOUL. We all have trials and tribulations, an untold journey, moments that make us vulnerable and weak and daily struggles. Your struggle is not more important than someone else’s. Your rock bottom may be where the person next to you is breezing through. Don’t measure anyone else’s pain by your pain and vice versa. These aren’t comparable. Be kind and compassionate, understanding and empathetic. Someone who is having a rough day may just need a smile. The grass isn’t greener on anyone’s side. Your grass is your grass. Take care of it and don’t worry about the next person’s lawn.

18.   The hustle is sold separately- This again is for my Millennials. We are so lazy and so entitled. We really were spoiled by our parents, by technology and society holding our hands. Guess what?! It’s time to grow up. If you want something, you have to work for it. That’s the trick to making it in life. HARD. WORK. You need to hustle. And never stop hustling. There is no fairy godmother, no genie with three wishes and you are definitely not a long lost Princess waiting on prince charming in a tower. You create your own destiny. So get off your ass and make it happen.

19.   Girls night is a must- LADIES. LADIES. LADIES. Your significant other does not own your life. You need time with your friends. Just girls. To see a movie, have a drink, unwind and complain about your kids being assholes (cute ones of course), to talk about your dreams and aspirations and how much you want to strangle your spouse when he puts his feet on the coffee table all while screaming at the TV during Sunday Football. AGAIN, have your own identity apart from your relationships. Your man does not need to be included in everything. Take time away from him. He’s not going anywhere and if he does then let his ass leave!

20.   Communicate is key- People are not mind readers. It’s really that simple. Speak up for yourself, educate people when they offend you, share your journey and experiences and never stop expressing yourself and what makes you comfortable, uncomfortable and what you are looking for. Nobody can be blamed for not understanding you and your needs if you don’t communicate them. Do not be a doormat. Your opinion matters and your voice needs to be valued. USE IT.

21.   Embrace discomfort- They say when God wants you to change he will make you uncomfortable. Well, I totally get that. I am a creature of habit. Change makes me uncomfortable. I am much more incline to staying in a negative situation where I am unhappy because I am used to it rather than using my discomfort to bring me to better things. I’m working on it. Pain is growth. Trauma puts things into perspective. When something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right. It’s time to move on. Be open to change coming in to your life and welcome it like a fresh new friend. And if that doesn’t work, move on again.

22.   Appreciate people who don’t like you- This is one of those things where you’re probably saying Huh?! But guess what dear, not everyone is going to like you. The sooner you understand that the better you are. I am loud, obnoxious, opinionated and have a strong character. Most people who don’t like me that’s why. They’re not “haters” per say (although some are). I’m just not their cup of tea. That’s cool. I don’t like tea anyway. I still respect them and appreciate their differences. No beef. Best wishes. And let’s move along. They do not need to occupy space in your mind. They don’t like you anyway.

23.   Change your mind- Y’all I can never make a decision. Not on what to eat, what curtains I want to put up, where I want to go on a Saturday night because I feel like everything is always definitive so the first time I have to get the decision right. That’s nonsense. It’s okay to change your mind. Try it out. If you don’t like it, change it. If you love it but get tired of it, change it. If you want something new, change it. As long as you don’t hurt anyone in the process, change your mind as often as you’d like.

24.   The future is minutes away, PLAN- I’ve been telling you guys about all the things that make me nervous and anxious right? About my control and my excessive planning (don’t worry I see a Therapist) but the truth is look how fast my 20s flew by. The future is coming whether we like it or not. You know when and where you were born but you don’t know where or when you’ll die. You need a plan. Living through life free spirited and frivolously is great until you haven’t accomplished anything. Find a healthy balance and plan for your future. Your finances, your career, your family all deserve stability. It’s time to start adulting.

25.   Take chances, be spontaneous and have adventures- Again, funny ironic placement on this list. I didn’t say never be spontaneous and free-spirited. BALANCE was the keyword. I never take chances. Hell, my first date with my boyfriend my sister forced me to go because I was stepping out of my comfort zone. I was going out with a guy I had never met on a Saturday night and leaving my kid to my sister to take care of? Who was this person? Well look how it worked out…He’s the love of my life. Download a dating app and meet people. Go sit at a bar and spark conversation. Hike. Travel. Go snowboarding. Take a new class. Jump out of a plane. Ride the rollercoaster, Indulge in good food, plan date nights, have a one night stand (use protection), learn different cultures. We only have one life to live. Live it to your fullest potential. Oh, and take LOTS OF PICTURES. I love capturing memories.

26.   Learn how to cook- Cooking is my therapy. I’m not telling you guys to love it like I do. But come on. There is no reason why you cannot cook. YouTube literally does it step by step and if you can read a recipe you can cook. Truth is eating out every day is whack. We all at least need the basics.

27.   Lower your expectations of people- This is probably one of the hardest things for me to do. I am driven, giving, compassionate and empathetic. Almost to a fault. I expect everyone else to be this way and get disappointed when they are not. Learn to meet people where they are. If you have fewer expectations, you’ll have fewer disappointments. Now with that being said, if people cannot meet your reasonable expectations then maybe they need to not be in your life. Next!

28.   Have secrets- In the age of social media we are oversharers. I’m very guilty of this. I document everything. But trust me. I have secrets. Everyone does not need to know everything. Also, move sometimes in silence. There are people in your circle who are waiting to learn what you’re doing next and make it a competition. Don’t give them any fuel. I have things that I will take with me to my grave. I won’t even confess to those things to my priest or even sometimes in prayer. We need those skeletons. They keep you on your toes.

29.   Believe in something and question everything- You need to take a stance. You need to have a belief system. I’m not referring to only religion. I’m a practicing Catholic and I do believe in my faith however; I’m not the best Christian. There are many things I question. I believe in my work but question techniques, policy and procedures. I believe in my family and friends but sometimes question their intentions and motives. I believe in my country but sometimes question how we operate as a society. Believe in what’s important to you but always question if that’s what is best for you.

30.   Be passionate- Do everything you do passionately. I am so passionate. I am passionate about my family and friends, about the man I love, about my beliefs, values and morals, about my career, my community and about life in general. I love sooooo hard. If I could pick a quality I would never change about myself it would be this. I am extremely passionate. Don’t half ass anything. People notice when you don’t give your all. Do whatever you want to do with passion. Like my dad always said, if you want to clean toilets make sure you’re the best toilet cleaner you could be! Do life hard. You only get one.